Aftershocks
by Old Time Fan
Summary: Lenny and Carmine deal with the repercussions following The Big One. Final chapter now up...thanks for the nice reviews!
1. Default Chapter

****

Aftershocks

(© OldTimeFan, 3/12/2002. Category: Drama. This is a follow-up story to The Big One, told in three parts. In this, Part I, we see how our friends are faring after their ordeal. Some appear to be doing better than others. I hope you all enjoy it and look forward to your feedback on the Boards)

"Pink roses or red?" 

"Excuse me?"

"For the chapel. Should we have pink roses or red?" asked Shirley. "Or maybe both. No, it should be one color, Elegant Bride says to pick one color and stick with it. Now, the bridesmaids' gowns are going to be pink, so I thought the pink roses might be nice, but then again, their bouquets will be pink, so is that just too much pink, or…"

"Shirley," laughed Carmine, putting his head in his hands. "Can you take it down just a notch?"

She sighed, thumping the bridal magazine on her lap. "Carmine, we only have 257 more days to plan this wedding. That's going to go by like this," and she illustrated her point with a loud fingersnap. "There is a lot of planning that goes into a wedding, and I want our perfect day to be perfect. And for it to be perfect, we need perfect flowers. And the color of those perfect flowers should be….?"

He looked back at her in mock fear. "I…I…guess they should be…pink?"

"Yes! No. Well, maybe. But red is the official color of love, and the contrast would be so pretty." She sighed, hopping off the couch and pacing like a caged lion. 

Carmine watched her. God, she was beautiful, he thought. But way too wrapped up in this wedding thing. As far as he was concerned, all they had to do was go to the local church, say the vows, have a party with a few friends, then get to the consummating. Go figure that first there were gowns, and seating arrangements, and flowers, and endless, endless planning.

"We could elope, you know," he offered.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew he had screwed up.

"What did you say?" she hissed.

"Nothing. I said nothing. Not me, nope." He pressed his hand over his mouth for emphasis, looking up at her with wide, innocent eyes.

"Do you know what Laverne would do to us if we just up and ran off to Vegas? Not to mention my parents. Or yours."

Carmine looked at the floor.

"What?" asked Shirley.

"Nothing."

"Come on, what is it? What are you thinking."

"Well, Shirl…it's just that, you know, considering our family histories, it isn't real likely that our parents will show. Maybe your mom, yeah," he added quickly. "But do you even know where your dad is right now?"

Damn, I shouldn't have said that, he thought, seeing the expression that came over Shirley's face. Maybe I should just shut up already.

"I can find my daddy," said Shirley. "I'm sure Mikey knows where he is, and even if he doesn't, well, I'll just put out some personal ads in a bunch of papers that I'm getting married. He's bound to see one of those. 

Carmine sighed. "And what about my parents? I haven't seen them since I left home, and that's what, almost fifteen years ago now? I'm sure my father couldn't care less and mom…well, she cares about what he tells her to care about."

"So, what are you saying here, Carmine? That you don't want a wedding?" Shirley's lower lip began to tremble.

"No, no, no! That isn't what I'm saying at all!" He stood up and put his arms around her. "Angel Face, I want to marry you. I'm not trying to get out of anything here. I just want you to take it easy, that's all. This should be something we look forward to, not something that makes you pace all night." He stopped, hoping he had made it better.

He had. "Oh, Carmine, you're right. I just get so wrapped up in things." Shirley hugged him. "I just don't want any missed little detail to mess it all up, you know?"

He smiled down at her. "I know, Angel Face. I know. Look, I gotta go out for a little while. Why don't you call Laverne and have her come over to help you pick out those flowers? I promise to love whatever you choose."

"Alright, sweetie," she agreed. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, just down to the gym. I promised Len, you know."

"Are you sure he's he ready for that?"

"Oh, yeah, I think so. It took a long time for that break to heal and he had to stay in bed for most of it. He's gonna need some building up."

"Well, that's nice of you to help him. I know Laverne is looking forward to taking him dancing." Shirley flopped back down on the couch with her magazine. "I'll see you for dinner, right?"

"Of course," he said. 

He went to the door, then paused a moment, staring at it with a strange look on his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, tightly, then opened them again and gave his head a brisk shake. Carmine glanced back at Shirley. She was already wrapped up in her magazine. Relieved she hadn't noticed anything, he headed out the door.

"Carmine?"

"Oh, hey, Len," Carmine said. His face was flushed and perspiring. He stepped away from the punching bag he'd been working. "You ready?"

"Yeah, sure." Lenny looked around the gym uncomfortably. "So, what are you gonna do to me, exactly?"

Carmine laughed. "Nothin', Len. It's what you're gonna do to you. We've gotta get you into shape, so you can dump that thing." He pointed to the cane Lenny was leaning on. "I'm just going to suggest ways to do it."

"Okaaaaay," said Len, not too certain about the whole thing.

"First we've got to work on your range of motion," said Carmine, leading Lenny over to some floor mats.

"My what again?"

"Your…never mind. Can you touch your toes?"

Lenny leaned forward slightly from the waist. He grimaced and stood back up. "That's as far as I go," he said.

Carmine sighed. "This might take awhile. Maybe we should start with something easy…a little stretching. Your muscles are probably pretty tight after all that time in bed."

"Hey, Laverne and I do more than just…"

"Not what I mean, not what I mean!" said Carmine, waving his hands. "I mean, you know, after Cowboy Bill's and all." 

The two men looked at the floor in silence for a moment. It was still hard to talk about that day, especially with each other. 

"Yeah, well, it's not so bad. It hardly hurts anymore. And when it does, I've got these." Lenny held up a bottle of prescription pills that had been tucked in his jacket pocket.

"What are those?"

"Painkillers. Really, really good painkillers" said Len. He opened the bottle and popped one into his mouth. 

"Ugh, how do you do that without water?" asked Carmine. 

"I'm used to it," said Len, with a gulp. "Okay, now I'm ready. Do your worst, Carmine!"

"Do you prefer the one with the ballroom skirt, or the tube style?" Shirley asked Laverne, pointing.

They were standing in front of the wedding gown department of Bardwell's department store.

"I can't believe you made me come here on our day off, Shirl," grumbled Laverne. 

"Oh, Vernie, this isn't work. Besides, how many times before have we come over here to look at dresses during our coffee breaks?"

"None."

"That's not true. Why, I was here at least once a…oh, never mind."

"Shirley, I know you're excited," said Laverne. "Okay, okay, I'll bite. I like…that one." She pointed to a frilly white dress to their left.

"Laverne, I want to look like a bride, not a lemon meringue pie."

"Okay, how about…that one?" Laverne gestured to a sparkly number to their right.

"Too trampy," said Shirley.

"That one?"

"It will make me look fat."

"That one?"

"Ugh, cheap!"

"Alright, that one, then."

"Fat again."

"Shirl!" cried Laverne, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Just…pick whatever you want, okay?"

Shirley looked at her, hurt. "What's wrong, Laverne? I thought you'd have fun helping me pick out a dress. Maybe even get a couple of ideas yourself…"

Laverne sighed. "I'm sorry, Shirl. I'm just a little distracted, is all."

"What is it, Vernie?" asked Shirley. "You know you can tell me anything."

Laverne shrugged. "It's just…I'm a little worried about Len."

"Lenny? Why? I thought you guys were going great guns? Did he try something…"

"No, no, nothing like that. Nothing I didn't want," Laverne said. "I think he's still hurting, Shirl. It's been almost four months. And…you know, maybe I shouldn't be saying this to anyone."

"I'm not anyone. I'm your bestest friend in the whole world. Come on, Vernie."

"He's been acting strangely," Laverne blurted out. "Strange even for him."

"Like what?"

"Like I get the feeling that he's keeping something from me. Like he zones out when I'm talking to him sometimes, then loses his temper when I ask about it. He's lost interest in going out, and his favorite t.v. shows…" Laverne bit her lip. "He isn't even hanging out with Squig much anymore."

"You say that as if it were a bad thing," said Shirley.

"Normally, it wouldn't be, no, but with everything else…" Laverne shook her head. "Maybe I pushed him too fast. Maybe he wasn't ready for anything this serious."

Shirley looked at her. "So, it's already serious, is it?"

Laverne shrugged. "I thought so. It was for me. Now? Now I'm not so sure." Laverne reached out to her friend. "What should I do, Shirl? How can I fix it if I don't know what's broken?"

Shirley took Laverne's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Maybe Lenny isn't ready to talk to you," she said. "But he's going to be spending a lot of time with someone else that he may feel more comfortable opening up to."

"Who?" asked Laverne.

"Carmine," said Shirley. "I'll talk to him about it at dinner tonight. Maybe Carmine can find out what's going on for you."

"Oh, Shirl, that would be great!" said Laverne, looking relieved. "Yeah, maybe it's a guy thing. You sure Carmine wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not," Shirley reassured her. "He understands how important it is for a couple to share everything. He'll be happy to help you two, especially considering what Lenny did for him that terrible day. Okay?"

Laverne nodded. "Thanks, Shirl. Now, let's find you a dress!"

"Owww! Why are you doing this to me?" groaned Lenny from the floor.

"Come on, five more. You can do it!"

Lenny pulled himself into sitting position, then flopped back on the mat.

"You call that a sit up?" Carmine goaded him. "My grandmother could do better than that and she's been dead for twenty years!"

Lenny struggled up one more time, then fell back and threw his arms out to his sides. "That's it, Carmine. I'm done."

"Len…"

"Done!" Lenny snapped. "As in over done! As in, I've had it!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," said Carmine. He stood over Lenny, shaking his head. "I know this is tough, Len, but the stronger your abs are, the less strain you'll be putting on your pelvis." He reached down, grasped Lenny by the forearm, then tugged him to his feet.

Lenny stood, panting. "This is only the fourth week we've gotten together here, and I already hate you, Carmine," he said, without malice.

Carmine laughed. "Then I must be doing something right. Come on, I'll buy you a water."

"How's about a beer instead?"

Carmine poked Lenny in the side. "I think you've got enough beers in there, pal."

"Since when did you turn into my mother?" grumbled Lenny. 

They went over to sit at the juice bar in the corner. Carmine grabbed a large bottle of water and two glasses and brought them over to the table. Lenny watched as he stopped, looked at the table blankly for a moment, then blinked two or three times at it. "You okay there, Carmine?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure, Len. Right as rain." Carmine smiled at him and sat down. "How've you been?"

"You know…the same."

Carmine nodded. "And how's things with Laverne?"

Lenny smiled. "Aww, she's great, Carmine. She's more than great. She's the best thing what ever happened to me."

"That's nice to hear."

They sat quietly.

"How's the wedding plans?" Lenny asked finally.

"Fine. You know Shirley. She's a whirlwind of wedding activity."

"It's funny, you know. With our girlfriends being best friends. I guess that's sort of gonna make us best friends-in-law," said Lenny. He opened his pill bottle and took one with a gulp of water.

"Yeah," said Carmine, watching him. "Something like that. Say, Len, how long you gonna have to take those?"

Lenny shrugged. "Until the pain goes away, I guess."

"Oh."

"I guess you got lucky, huh," said Lenny.

"Lucky? How do you mean?"

"Well, you know. Considering how badly you were hurt back then, and look at you now! You're your old self again."

Carmine looked down at the table. "Yeah, lucky me," he said. Looking back again, he couldn't help but notice how sad Lenny looked. There were lines on the blond man's face that Carmine hadn't seen there before. His blue eyes had a glassiness about them. "Len, you can tell me I'm way out of line here, and I'll back off, but, ummm…nah, never mind."

"No, it's okay Carmine. What is it?"

"Well, I don't want to imply anything," said Carmine, slowly. "But, you've taken at least, what, three pills here so far? Isn't that kind of a lot?"  


"I've got kind of a lot of pain, Carmine," said Lenny.

"You know, if I'm pushing you too hard, just say so. We can lay off…"

"No! No, I don't want to lay off. I've got to get back on my feet and back where I was before all this happened. Laverne, you know, she deserves a guy that can take her places. Go dancin' with her. Stuff like that."

"Yeah, okay, that's a great attitude, but not if you're hurting yourself."

"Carmine, it doesn't matter!" said Lenny, a bit louder than he had intended. "If I'm in bed, it hurts. If I'm watching t.v., it hurts. If I try to do anything I used to just do, it hurts. So what difference does it make? At least this way, I'm doing something to fix it while it hurts!" 

Carmine was silent. Then he said, "I'm sorry. I really didn't know how bad it was for you."

Lenny closed his eyes for a moment, getting his emotions under control. "I'm sorry, too, Carmine. I don't mean to take it out on you. You've done nothin' but try and help me. Which, by the way, is more than my so-called best friend has done for me lately."

"Yeah, well…I owe you. A lot." Carmine shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I love Shirley, Len. And I wouldn't have a future with her if you hadn't…if you didn't…well, if you weren't down there with me that day." He shook his head. "You were a real friend in need, Len. I just want you to know that I appreciate it."

Lenny squirmed a little. "Geeze, Carmine, you don't have to get all mushy on me," he said.

"Yeah, I hate it, too," Carmine admitted. "But there it is. I know I've thanked you before, but as my old man used to say, 'talk is cheap, boy.' So I'd like to show you my appreciation."

"Well, you kinda have been, Carmine. I mean, you've been meetin' me here for two days a week, every week, for a month now. I know that you don't have a lot of free time, what with all those jobs you do…what do you have, three of them?"

"Well, sort of. I dropped the telegram thing…the tips stank. And when Cowboy Bill's went up, so did that job. But, I've been teaching at a local dance studio. And…" he hesitated.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I haven't told anyone but Shirley this yet, but I've been going to school part-time," Carmine confided.

"No kidding? Doing what?"

"It's a new thing, called physical therapy. It involves helping people with injuries get back on their feet, using special exercises."

"Oh, so I'm just a guinea pig for you, is that it?" asked Lenny.

"Sort of." Carmine laughed. "Anyway, I like it and it'll pay enough so that when I've got my certificate, I can support my…my…"

"I think the word your searching for there is 'wife,' Carmine."

Carmine pretended to shiver. "I'll just never get used to sayin' that. My wife. Shirley. Shirley-my-wife. Oh, boy."

"I'd like to get used to sayin' it," said Lenny suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, not the Shirley part."

Carmine stared at him. "Isn't this a little quick?"

Len shrugged. "Why wait? I love Laverne, she loves me. That's why I've gotta get rid of this thing," he gestured angrily at his cane, "And get myself back in working order as fast as I can. And if it means I've gotta take a hundred of these a day, then so be it!" Lenny shook his bottle of pills, before sticking them back in his pocket.

"Those aren't gonna get you on your feet any faster," cautioned Carmine. "They're just going to cover up whatever is really going on."

"That works for me," said Len, pushing his chair back. He rose slowly to his feet, taking his cane. "I'll see you next week, Carmine," he said, and limped away before Carmine could say anything else.

Carmine watched him go. "It never works for anyone, Len," he said, quietly.

"So?" said Shirley, passing a roll to Carmine.

"So what?" he asked, accepting it.

"So, how did it go with Lenny today?"

"Shirl, I'm really not comfortable tellin' you everything Len says to me," said Carmine. "At first, it didn't matter…"

"Yes, well, that's because he didn't tell you anything useful," said Shirley.

"Right, but now it's making me feel bad. Like I'm betraying him. Look," said Carmine. "If Laverne wants to know what's up with Len, she should ask Len."

"I told you this weeks ago, Carmine," said Shirley. "She's tried. He either pretends everything is okay or gets mad and leaves the room. Vernie just wants to help him, but he won't let her."

Carmine buttered his roll. Over and over again. "I'm sorry, but I think what Lenny says to me should stay between him and me."

"Even if it means he loses Laverne?"

Carmine stopped buttering. "What are you sayin', Shirl?" he asked.

"I'm saying that a girl can only take being pushed away so many times before she…goes," said Shirley.

"Is Laverne going to leave Len? She can't do that, Shirl. It would tear his heart out."

"You think?"

"I know! The guy is crazy about her, Angel Face! Everything he's been doing, all the work he's been putting in to get better, it's all been for her." He stood up and began pacing around the kitchen table. "Geeze, Shirl, the guy's thinking about marrying her."

"He's what?" came a voice from the apartment foyer.

Carmine and Shirley froze. Shirley leaned over and looked into the living room. "Vernie," she said. "You're back awfully early." Shirley glared back at Carmine . "Look, Carmine, Laverne is back. Funny you didn't see. Her. Standing. Right. Out. There!"

Carmine closed his eyes and swore to himself. He waved at Laverne, weakly. "Hi, Laverne. How's things?" Oh, I am so lame, he thought.

"Did you just say what I think you just said?" Laverne demanded, marching into the kitchen. 

"And just what do you think I…"

"Lenny wanted to marry me? Carmine, did you just say that Lenny wanted to marry me?" Laverne grabbed him by the collar.

Carmine glanced over at Shirley, a look of desperation on his face. Shirley gave him a 'you're on your own' wave of her hand. "Thanks a lot," he said to her, sarcastically.

"Carmine…" said Laverne, her voice more than a little threatening.

Carmine hung his head, guiltily. "He may have mentioned something about it."

"Oh, my God." Laverne dropped Carmine's lapels and sat down abruptly in his abandoned kitchen chair.

"Wait, Laverne, you can't tell him I said anything!" Carmine begged. "He would kill me if he knew I'd let that slip, and he'd be right to do it. Just…you know…just act surprised and all."

Laverne was staring at the center of the table. She started to cry.

"Awww, man!" said Carmine, slapping himself in the forehead. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he scolded himself.

Shirley shot him a, "Now you've done it." To Laverne, she said, "Aww, Vernie, I know it's sudden, but think about how happy you'll be. Maybe we can even do a double wedding!"

"No, Shirl, you don't understand," said Laverne, between sobs. "I broke up with him."

"What?" Carmine and Shirley both exclaimed.

Laverne nodded, grabbing a wad of napkins and wiping her eyes. "We got into this huge fight. I told him that if he couldn't tell me everything, that meant he didn't trust me. And if he didn't trust me, he must not really love me…" her voice trailed off.

Shirley jumped up and wrapped her arms around her friend. "Carmine, maybe you'd better…"

"…yeah, maybe I'd better," he finished, heading toward the door. "Laverne, I'm…I'm really sorry," he said as left.

Once outside, Carmine leaned back against the closed door to the girls' apartment. As badly as he felt for Laverne, he was more concerned about Lenny. "What are you going to do without her?" Carmine said to himself. "And what can I do to make this right?"

He thought for a minute, then nodded to himself and headed up the stairs. He hesitated, about to knock on Lenny's door. Maybe he was overstepping here, Carmine thought. Maybe this was something more appropriate for a best friend to deal with. Carmine turned away and jogged down the stairs. On the way down, he missed the second to the last step and had to grab the railing to keep from falling. "Damn!" he muttered. With a furtive glance to make sure no one had seen him, Carmine headed off into the night.

He tracked down Squiggy at the third bar he tried. "There you are," said Carmine, coming up behind Squiggy's barstool.

Squiggy gave the seat a spin, until he was facing Carmine. "Oh, it's you," he said, and spun himself back around.

"Yeah, it's great to see you, too," said Carmine. He spun Squiggy's seat again, so that they were facing one another. "I gotta talk to you, Squig."

"Yeah, well, that makes one of us," said Squiggy. He spun away again.

Carmine sighed and gave the seat a brisk spin, sending Squiggy in circles, twice. 

"Hey! Ya want me to toss my cookies or somethin'?" yelled Squiggy. He braced himself against the bar and sat swaying.

Carmine took the seat next to him, turned Squiggy's seat so that they were looking at each other, and held it firmly. "I don't have time for this, Squiggy," he warned.

Squiggy sat still, folding his arms. "Nobody's got time for nobody these days, Carmine," said Squiggy. "Fine, what can I do you for?

"It's Lenny."

At the sound of Lenny's name, Squiggy snorted and picked up his beer mug. "What about him?"

Carmine was confused. "Are you guys having some sort of a fight?" he asked.

"No, no fight Carmine. There's nothin' goin' on between Leonard Kosnovski and me." Squiggy took a large swig of beer.

"Good, because I need your help. Actually, he needs your help. He and Laverne just broke up."

"No kiddin'," said Squiggy, with disinterest. "How sad for them."

Carmine tried to control his temper. "Yes, it is sad, Squiggy," he said through gritted teeth. "It's very sad. And as their friends, we need to help them."

"Maybe you do, Carmine. You're his best friend now, ain't ya?"

Carmine sat back on his stool. "What?"

"Yeah, you're Lenny's pal. If Lenny needs a shoulder to cry on, that's your headache, not mine." Squiggy banged down his beer mug and glared at Carmine.

Carmine blinked at him. "What?" was all he could say again.

"Lenny don't have time for me no more, Carmine. Oh, sure, we're still roomies, but I may as well be a lamp or a sofa for all he notices me. We don't hang out no more, or say two words to each other no more, and do you know why?" Squiggy leaned closer to Carmine, who drew back from his beer-soaked breath.

"Wh…phew! Why, Squig?" he asked.

"Because if he's not hangin' out with you, he's with his lady love, Laverne! Or he's lyin' around in his room not wantin' to be bothered. 'Cause that's all I am to him now…a bother." Squiggy downed the rest of his beer in one gulp, banging the mug down once more. "It's just like bein' a kid again," he said. "All those nice memories of hangin' out with my dad. 'Cept I don't got none, because I was a bother to him, too!"

Carmine was stunned. "Squiggy, where is this all coming from? I'm not Len's best friend and we're not hanging out anywhere. I mean, I'm helping him out at the gym a couple days…"

"The gym," Squiggy scoffed. "Like Lenny would ever be caught dead in a gym."

"Yeah, he would, Squig," said Carmine. "What do you think he's been doing for the past month?"

"Hangin' out with you, drinking and havin' a good ol' time without me," said Squiggy.

Carmine shook his head. "Oh, brother. He didn't tell you, did he?"

"I told ya, he don't tell me nothin' no more."

"Fine. I'll tell you. I may as well, since I haven't been doing a great job of keepin' my mouth shut tonight. Squiggy, Lenny and I have been working together at the gym. I'm trying to help him get over his injuries from the quake, so he doesn't need that cane anymore and so he doesn't hurt all the time anymore. We haven't been out at parties or anything like it. I'm not his new best friend. I'm just a friend. He already has a best friend, Squig."

"Oh, and who's that guy?" asked Squiggy, his voice rising again.

"You are, you nitwit," said Carmine.

"Oh." Squiggy squinted at Carmine. "You tellin' me the truth?"

"Yes, Squig, I am. I got no reason to lie."

Squiggy stared at him some more, then sat back on his stool and shrugged. "Yeah, well, okay. That don't change the fact that he don't like me no more."

Carmine shook his head. "Squiggy, we really don't have time for you to feel sorry for yourself here!" he said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. "Lenny is in real trouble here and he needs someone he can talk to."

Squiggy looked back at him. "What do you mean, trouble? You said he and Laverne broke up. That ain't trouble, that's just a girl-guy thing."

"There's more, Squig." 

Should I be doing this? Carmine asked himself. He looked at Squiggy. I'm trusting this guy to help somebody who really needs it. But, who was he to decide who should be Lenny's best friend? Lenny had obviously decided that a long time ago.

"Squiggy," Carmine continued. "I think Lenny may have a problem. With his painkillers, I mean." He took a deep breath. "Look, I don't know for sure, but he's taking a lot of them. And I think they're changing him."

"Changin' him how?" asked Squiggy.

"Well, like how he hasn't been hanging out with you, for one thing. Like how he's been acting with Laverne. He loves her, Squig, you know he does."

"Yeah, I've known a lot longer than you, Carmine. A whole lot longer."

"Right, so you know what I mean. But lately, he's just been pushing her away and tonight, well, he succeeded. But he didn't mean to. I know he didn't."

"How do you know?"

"I just…do," said Carmine. "Trust me on this. I don't think it's Len that's the problem. I think it's Len with a whole lot of drugs in him. I think he's using them like he uses that cane, only they aren't helping him anymore. They're wrecking his life."

Squiggy tapped the side of his mug, absorbing what Carmine had just said. "How do you know, Carmine?" he asked quietly.

"Because I've, well, I've seen it before, Squig." Oh, I really shouldn't be saying this, not to this guy, thought Carmine, but the words just kept on coming. "My mother used to take a lot of pills, Squiggy. She said they made her life feel better. Except they didn't, not for long. The life…the life stayed pretty bad, Squig. All they did was keep her from leaving him…it." Carmine swallowed, hard. "They changed her. They made her someone I didn't even know. By the time I left…well, let's just say she would have missed them a lot more than she missed me."

Squiggy cleared his throat and shifted on his stool. "You never said anything about it, Carmine. I always wondered why you never went home after graduation."

"Yeah, well that was part of it." Carmine sighed. "That isn't the point. This isn't about me, it's about Lenny. I'd really hate to see the guy flush his life down the toilet, especially now when it is finally getting good. But I don't know how to stop him." Carmine paused, shrugging. "I couldn't stop my own mother. What can I possibly do for Len?"

Squiggy wiped his mouth with his sleeve and hopped off his stool. He caught the edge of the bar with his hand, steadying himself on his feet. "You just did it, Carmine," Squiggy said, a note of determination in his voice.

"I did?"

"Yeah, you did." Squiggy headed toward the door. "Don't worry. I'll take care of it," he said as he headed off into the night.

Carmine watched him go. Then he slipped off his stool and walked right into the one Squiggy had just vacated. "Watch it, fella," said the bartender. "Maybe you've had enough."

"I didn't have any," Carmine said, mostly to himself. He blinked a couple of times, until the room came back into focus. How long is it going to take for my vision to get back to normal? he wondered. Between the bouts of blurred vision and the occasional flashes of light for no reason, it was getting to be really aggravating. 

"God, I hope I just did the right thing," he said to himself, as he headed out of the bar. He looked up at the sky outside and said, "Please, just let me have done one thing right tonight!"

When Lenny stomped over to him in the gym the next day, Carmine braced himself. 

"You aren't going to hit me, are you?" he asked, looking up at the taller man. "'Cause I might let you if you want to, but I'd really prefer it if you didn't."

Lenny glared at him. "I really should deck you, you know," he said.

"Yeah, I know." Carmine hung his head. "I'm so sorry. I just kept talking and everything that came out was the wrong thing. So much for repaying you for your help."

"Why'd you tell her, Carmine? I didn't think I had to officially swear you to secrecy. I assumed you knew to keep it to yourself!"

Carmine nodded, sadly. "I didn't know she was in the room, Len. I didn't see her until it was too late."

"You were sayin' it to someone, Carmine, or else Laverne wouldn't have had anything to overhear!"

Carmine closed his eyes. "I said it to Shirl, Len." He peeked out of one eye, then looked up at Lenny apologetically. "It just slipped out, I swear!"

"And Squiggy? You go and sic Squiggy on me after how many weeks of him ignoring me?"

"He thought _you_ didn't want anything to do with _him_ all this time," said Carmine. "I was just tryin' to…"

"Then you tell him you think I'm some sort of burnout?" Lenny took another step toward Carmine.

Carmine took a deep breath, but stood his ground. "I didn't say that, Len. I said I was worried. That one, I'm not so sorry about. "Cause I really do believe you need to cut it out with those pills."

"Yeah, well, maybe you're right."

Carmine looked at him blankly. "Come again?" he finally said.

"I said, maybe you're right." Lenny leaned against the wall, taking some of the pressure off his aching lower back. 

"I am? I mean, yeah, of course I am. Len, I'm not tryin' to say that you're not really hurting," said Carmine, lowering his voice. "I know you are. I can see it. But I think those painkillers are causing you more pain than they're killing."

"Well, Squiggy said somethin' like that to me last night. 'Cept it came out more like, 'What are you doin', Stupid!'" 

Carmine chuckled. "That's Squiggy. He's a regular fountain of compassion."

"Well, he said some other stuff. Some of it even made sense." Lenny shrugged. "Look, Carmine, I really would have been happier if you had kept your mouth shut."

"Me, too," admitted Carmine.

"But, you also got my best friend and me talkin' again and I guess I want to say thank you for that." Lenny held out his hand.

Carmine took it, shaking it with a smile. "My pleasure, Len. And if anything that Squiggy said made sense, so far as those pills are concerned, then it's really my pleasure."

"I'll show you," said Lenny. He reached into his jacket pocket and handed the vial of painkillers to Carmine. "Do whatever you want with those. I don't need 'em anymore."

"Just like that?" said Carmine, staring at the bottle in his hand. "You know, Len, it isn't that easy."

Lenny shrugged. "Maybe it won't be, tomorrow, but today it is."

Carmine kept looking at the bottle in his hand. It was blurry. But this time, it wasn't his vision that was the problem.

"Carmine? What's wrong?" asked Lenny. 

"Oh, nothing, Len. It's just…"

"What? You look so sad all of a sudden. I thought this'd make you happy."

"Oh, it does," Carmine quickly reassured him. He shoved the bottle into his sweatshirt pocket. "It really does. Only…"

"Only?"

"Only I never got the bottle out of my mother's hand," Carmine said. "Maybe if I had stuck it out at home, I would have. I just assumed…now I can't help but wonder." 

Lenny looked at him, puzzled. "You never mentioned…"

"…no, I didn't," Carmine interrupted him. He shook his head and looked back up at Lenny, forcing a smile. "Can't change the past," he said, with a shrug. "But this is a good start for the future. Now, about Laverne…"

It was Lenny's turn to look sad. "I think I blew it there, Carmine. She just kept askin' me about stuff, pushin' me for answers that I just didn't want to give her. And now, she's given up on me."

"No, Lenny, she hasn't," Carmine tried to reassure him. "You just hurt her feelings. You made her think you didn't trust her."

"I trust her plenty, Carmine," insisted Lenny. "I just didn't want to heap all my problems on her."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like if she knew how much I was really hurtin' all the time, she'd feel like she had to baby me. She wouldn't think of me as her man anymore. I'd just be a weakling she was saddled with. All I wanted to do was get back to normal as fast as I could, so's we could be together like a regular couple, with me bein' the strong one who takes care of her. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?"

Carmine shrugged. "I guess so. But, Len, you're not in pain because your weak, buddy. Yeah, you can't do quite everything you did before that fall, but that has nothing to do with how 'manly' you are. You got hurt, Len. It wasn't your fault. Now your tryin' to get better. That's what makes you a man…you found the problem and your working to fix it. In the meantime, you don't need to hide what's really goin' on from Laverne, or anyone else for that matter. You should be proud of yourself. Your friends would be." Carmine smiled at him. "I am."

"Really?"

"Yep. Really."

Lenny nodded. "Maybe you're right, Carmine. But it's still too late for me and Laverne. She still thinks I don't love her enough."

"Len, you can fix that, too."

"How?"

"Show her you trust her. Tell her now what's been going on with you. All of it. Tell her how much you love her and how hard you're working to be everything she deserves. Most of all, admit that you're in pain. Let her help you. Then, maybe, she'll believe you and…" Carmine broke off. He reached out and grabbed Lenny's forearm, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment.

"Carmine? What's wrong?" asked Lenny, startled.

"N…nothing, Len." Carmine shook his head, staring intently at the zipper on Lenny's jacket. "That's better," he said to himself.

"What's better?"

Carmine shook his head and stepped back from Lenny. "Oh, it's nothing," he said. "Just a weird trick of the light. Forget about it. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, Laverne."

"I should talk to her, huh? Be straight with her."

"I think so. It's worth a shot. Then maybe you can ask her that question you wanted to ask her."

"I thought you kinda took care of that for me already, Carmine," said Lenny, sarcastically.

Carmine shrugged. "She didn't answer us yet, Len."

"No, I guess she didn't." Lenny stood up a little straighter. "She didn't say no, did she?"

"Nope. No no."

"So, maybe she might say yes?"

"No way to know until you ask her. And this time, I swear I'll leave it up to you!" Carmine drew his finger over his chest in the sign of a cross.

"You better, or Golden Gloves champ or not, I'm gonna knock you on your keister!" warned Lenny, but with a smile.

"Deal. But for now, your mine," said Carmine, raising an eyebrow. "Drop and give me twenty!"

Shirley and Carmine were pacing in his apartment.

"Do you think they're done over there yet?" asked Shirley, as she walked past Carmine.

"I don't know," he replied, passing the other way.

"Why isn't she here if they're finished?" asked Shirley, passing Carmine on the other side.

"Maybe she doesn't know you're here," he said, walking by.

"Of course she knows I'm here. Where else would I be if I'm not there in our apartment with her?" said Shirley.

"Shirl," said Carmine, catching her as she passed him again. "We're making a hole in the rug. And I can't afford a new one right now."

"You're right," she said, dropping onto his sofa. "I know! Let's go downstairs and listen at the door!" She bounced back to her feet.

Carmine caught her around the waist, lifting her easily off her feet. "Whoa, right there! Lenny and Laverne need their privacy. Besides," he added, nuzzling her neck. "I can think of other ways to pass the time."

She chuckled softly, wrapping her arms around him. "Well, that might be more fun," she purred.

Just as their lips met, a loud knock on Carmine's door interrupted them.

"Of course," Carmine sighed. He set Shirley down and went to open the door.

Laverne was standing behind it. There was a very neutral expression on her face. 

Carmine's heart sank. "Hey, Laverne," he said, cautiously, letting her in.

"Oh, Vernie! Is everything okay?" breathed Shirley, running up to her friend.

"Well…" she said, looking down at the floor.

"…if you call bein' engaged okay!" said another voice from behind her. Lenny leaned in the door, a wide grin lighting up his face.

Laverne smiled broadly, holding up her left hand. A small, shiny diamond glistened on her ring finger.

Shirley screamed. Laverne screamed. They embraced and began jumping around in a circle.

"I guess that carpet's just plain doomed," said Carmine. Turning back to Len, he grasped his hand and pumped it up and down. "Congratulations, buddy! You're takin' the plunge, huh?"

"Yeah, well, I know it seems kind of fast. Especially compared to you and Shirl's million-year courtship. But it's the right thing."

Carmine winked at him. "You don't have to convince me."

The girls continued to shriek in the background. Shirley was holding Laverne's hand, oo'ing and ahhh'ing.

"How'd you afford a ring on Disability, Len?" Carmine asked. 

"It's sort of an heirloom. One of the few things I got left from my mom." Lenny walked into the apartment. Carmine noticed that he didn't have his cane with him.

"How are you doin'?" he asked. "I mean, the pain and…the other thing?"

"Oh, today's not too bad," said Lenny. "Painwise I mean. And whenever I want a pill, I just drink a beer."

"Len…"

"Kidding, Carmine, I'm kidding. No, really, it may just be too soon, but I don't miss the painkillers at all. Well, hardly at all."

"If it gets rough, you know, you can come to me," Carmine offered. "I don't know exactly what I'd do to help, but…I don't know, you can yell at me and smack me around until you feel better, I guess."

"Thanks…I'll remember that," said Lenny.

"…now I understand," Laverne was saying to Shirley as the boys walked over. "He's gonna let me help him and he promised no more secrets."

"That's oh so very important, Laverne," said Shirley, nodding. "If you don't share everything in a relationship, then you don't really have a relationship. I've always thought that. Right, Carmine?"

"Huh?" he said. "Oh, yeah, sure, Angel Face." Carmine looked at the floor, then at the wall…everywhere her eyes weren't.

"That's right," she said. "Oh, Vernie, isn't it perfect? Now we can be newlyweds together! I've got all these great magazines, you've just got to see…" Shirley led Laverne out the door without even a glance backward. Carmine and Lenny watched them go, then turned to each other and shrugged.

"Guess we'll have to get used to that," said Lenny.

"What?"

"Our wives canoodling with each other and leavin' us to our own devices." He dropped down onto Carmine's sofa with a sigh.

"Our wives," Carmine repeated. He shook his head, slowly. "Our wives, Len. Oh, my God, what the hell are we doing?"

Lenny laughed. "The smartest thing we ever have, pal."

Carmine looked at the doorway to his apartment, still shaking his head in disbelief. Then the door blurred. He sat down abruptly next to Lenny, shutting his eyes tightly. He opened them again, blinked in the direction of the door, then closed them again. He did this four or five time while Lenny watched in confusion.

"Carmine? What are you doing?" he asked, a tinge of concern in his voice.

Carmine didn't answer him. He raised a hand in front of his face, but seemed to stare right through it.

"Carmine?"

"Lenny," Carmine replied. His voice was shaking.

"Yeah? What's wrong with you? First at the gym and now…"

"I can't see, Len," Carmine said, quietly.

"What? What do you mean you…"

"I mean," Carmine said, waving his hand in front of his own eyes. "I can't see."

"You can't see what?" asked Lenny.

Carmine was silent for a moment. "Anything," he finally answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I can't see anything. At all."

--End Part I--


	2. Aftershocks 2

Aftershocks II

"You sure you're okay to drive, Len?" Carmine asked.

"Yeah, sure, fine," said Lenny, shifting uncomfortably in his car seat. "Why, you volunteering?"

A fleeting smile crossed Carmine's face. "That probably wouldn't work so well now, would it?"

Lenny looked over at the curly-haired man sitting beside him. Carmine was fidgeting, drumming his fingers on the car door. His gaze was utterly blank. "Still nothin'?" Len asked.

"Just some flashes of light. But, no, mostly nothing."

"Well, we're almost at the hospital," Lenny said. "I'm sure someone there will be able to figure out what's wrong."

"Yeah. Sure," Carmine said. He didn't sound convinced.

"Carmine?"

"Yeah, Len?"

"Don't you think you should have told Shirley where you were goin'? I mean, I'm sure she would've taken you…not that I mind or nothing."

Carmine sighed. "I just want to find out what's going on first, Lenny. That way, when I tell her, I can hopefully say it's all taken care of."

Lenny nodded, pulling into the parking lot. Then he said, "You really goin' to tell her?"

"Sure. Sure I will. I mean, I might not have a choice here, Len. I think she'll notice if I'm…if I can't see," said Carmine.

"You haven't told her so far," Lenny reminded him.

Carmine turned toward him, but his eyes remained unfocused. "What are you implying, Len?" 

"Nothing, nothing. Except maybe that I'm guessing this has been comin' on for awhile, but you kept it to yourself. I'd a thought you'd learned your lesson from what went on between Laverne and me." 

Lenny parked the car, got out gingerly, then walked around to help Carmine out. He wished he hadn't left his cane back at the apartment. He put Carmine's hand on his arm and led the young man into the hospital.

"I know what you're saying, Len," Carmine finally responded. "It's just that…I didn't know what to say. I couldn't figure out what was going on. At first, I thought it was just some aftereffects from the fall. The doctor warned me that there'd be headaches and blurred vision on and off for awhile."

"It's been kind of a long while now, hasn't it?" 

"Yeah, okay, I guess so. But I never had everything just…go…like this before. It was always just a quick flash or blurring, then it cleared up."

"Did you even tell the doctor what was happening?" asked Lenny. He led Carmine over to a waiting area, then dropped into a seat beside him with a grunt.

Carmine tugged at a stray curl. "Not really."

"As in no?" asked Lenny.

"Right. As in no." Carmine was quiet for a moment. "I had enough with doctors and hospitals, Len. Enough for a lifetime. I just wanted it to be done with, you know?"

Lenny nodded, then remembered that Carmine couldn't see him. "I know. Believe me, I know."

"Mr. Ragusa?" said a nurse, walking over to them. She was pushing a wheelchair.

Carmine raised his head, turning toward the direction of her voice. "Right here," he said.

"Come with me, please," she said. "The doctor will see you now."

"Yay," he replied. 

The nurse helped him into the wheelchair. Lenny watched. Carmine looks so miserable, he thought. "Hey, you want me to come in there with you?" 

"No, no thanks, Len. I'll see you in a few minutes," Carmine said. He paused, then said, "At least, I hope I will."

Lenny chuckled. 

"Len? One more thing," said Carmine, as the nurse began to push him away.

"What is it?"

"Please don't call Shirley," Carmine said. 

"Carmine…"

"Please! Not yet. Not until I know…something. Okay?"

Lenny sighed. "Right, Carmine. No problemo."

About a half an hour later, Lenny was squirming in his seat as though it were on fire. He wished he could pace, but that just made everything ache more. Maybe I should've hung on to one or two of those painkillers, he thought. He picked up the magazine he'd been trying to read, but found himself reading the same line over and over again. Finally, he tossed it down and slowly rose to his feet to stare out the window.

"Hey, Len," said a voice from behind. 

Lenny turned around. Carmine was standing behind him. Looking straight at him.

"Say, you can see me, can't you?" said Lenny, relieved. "Wow, that doctor's good!"

Carmine smiled at him. He looked relieved, as well. "Yeah, well, don't give him too much credit. I was just lying there while they did the CAT scan and, bam! Everything came back into focus again."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah. Pretty strange, huh?" Carmine walked over to the window, looking out at the world as though he'd never seen it before. He tapped the glass absently.

"Now what? You just go home?"

Carmine shrugged. "I guess so. They're supposed to call me with the results in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm not supposed to drive or operate heavy machinery." He laughed a little. "There goes my plan to become a forklift driver."

Lenny looked at him, confused. "I thought you were gonna do that physical therapy thing?"

"A joke, Len," said Carmine. "Just a joke."

"Oh."

They headed out to the parking lot, got back into Lenny's car, and headed home.

"So," said Lenny. "Do they have any idea what the problem is yet?"

Carmine shook his head. "Nope. I mean, they said something about possible swelling or other…damage." He stared out the window.

Lenny said nothing. That sounds bad, he thought.

As they pulled into their apartment complex, Carmine suddenly said, "What if I'm dying?"

"What? Don't say that!" scolded Lenny.

Carmine shrugged. "What if I am, though? What would I tell Shirley? She's so gung ho about this wedding…"

"Carmine, I think if you were…what you just said…she would care a little more about that than about the wedding."

Carmine nodded. "Oh, I know. It's just…Len, I don't know what to do now. Do I tell her I changed my mind or something, before she gets hurt? I mean, I can't let her get her hopes up if it isn't gonna happen for us anymore."

Lenny parked, then shifted carefully in his seat to face Carmine. "Are you insane? If Shirl's hopes were any higher right now, she'd be floatin' over the building there!"

"Good point. But how can I lead her on? I have to tell her something. Don't I?"

"Yes, you do. Tell her the truth. Remember the truth, Carmine? That thing you were yellin' at me about just the other day?"

"Yeah, Len. I remember. You're right." He sighed, heavily. "I just don't want to hurt her, is all. And this might hurt. A lot."

"Carmine, first of all, a little screwed-up vision doesn't mean you're dying. I mean, look at you! I've seen you go at it at the gym. A dyin' guy doesn't have that kind of energy." At least I don't think he does, Lenny added to himself. He shook his head, trying to chase away his negative thoughts.

"I do feel fine," admitted Carmine. "Except for my eyesight. I haven't even had a bad headache in almost two months now."

"So, there you go. I think Shirl has you watchin' too many soap operas, Carmine." Lenny got out of the car. Carmine followed him.

As they walked into the building, Carmine said, "Okay, so what do I say to her?"

"You're askin' me? I can hardly talk for myself, Carmine."

"Oh, you don't give yourself enough credit, Len," said Carmine. "You've got a lot more goin' on upstairs than you think."

Lenny was touched. He'd always respected Carmine, and hearing that the guy thought that he was worth something made Lenny almost believe it, too. "Well, thanks, Carmine. Okay, let's see. Maybe you should just tell her that your eyes have been bothering you and you went to the doctor, and now you're waiting to find out what's wrong."

"That's it?" asked Carmine.

"Sure. Why say anything else? I mean, you're the one comin' up with the bleak outcome. Why scare her if there's no reason?"

Carmine nodded. "I guess you're right. I just don't want to saddle Shirl with a husband who isn't gonna stick around."

"So what? You're gonna break her heart now, and find out in a few days that there was no reason for it? You do that, and I will believe you got brain damage."

Carmine laughed. "Yeah, you know? You're right, Len. I think I've been hangin' around the girls too long. They always seem to make things a lot more complicated that they have to be. I'll just be straight with Shirley and let the chips fall where they may." 

They reached Laverne and Shirley's apartment. Carmine turned and gave Len a gentle punch in the shoulder. "Thanks, Lenny. For the lift and…for everything." Then he knocked his knock on the door.

"Think nothing of it," said Lenny, turning and facing the stairs up. He paused. There were so darn many of them. "Maybe I'll hang out outside a little bit. It's a nice day."

When the phone rang, Shirley nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Calm down, Angel Face," said Carmine. "I'll get it."

They were sitting in his apartment. It had been three days since Carmine's visit to the hospital and they were still waiting for his test results. Carmine walked over to the phone, then stopped and stared at it.

"Carmine? Carmine, are you having another episode?" Shirley asked, concerned. She hurried over to his side.

He smiled at her, nervously. "No, Shirl," he said. "I'm just…I'm not sure if I want to hear this."

She took his hand. "We'll hear it together," she told him softly.

Carmine nodded, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and picked up the receiver.

Shirley stood, listening, her hand never loosening its grip on his. After a minute or two of 'yessing' and 'I seeing' on Carmine's part, he hung up.

"Was that?"

"Yeah, it was the doctor's." He took a deep breath and smiled at her. "I'm fine," he said.

She looked at him, afraid to believe what she was hearing. "You are?"

"Yes. I'm fine." He shook his head. "I can't believe it either. There's no swelling, no bruising, no nothing. I'm perfectly healthy."

"Carmine, that's wonderful!" Shirley hugged him tightly. 

He didn't say anything.

"It _is_ wonderful, isn't it?" she asked, pushing him back a little and looking up at him. "I mean, you are telling me the truth…"  


"Oh, yeah, Shirl. Absolutely." He leaned in and gave her a reassuring kiss. "I wouldn't lie about something like that." 

"Then what?"

"Exactly." Carmine walked around and flopped back onto the couch. "What is it? I mean, a guy doesn't just go blind every so often for no reason."

Shirley shrugged, taking a seat beside him. "Well, I don't know, Carmine. Did the doctor suggest anything?"

He looked away for a moment. "Yeah, but it…it's ridiculous."

"What? What's ridiculous?"

Carmine turned back to her, drumming his fingers on the arm of the sofa. "He thought it might be, you know, all in my head."

"Carmine, I thought they just settled that."

"No. No, I don't mean, something damaged in my head. I mean," and he tapped his forehead for emphasis. "In my head. As in I'm nuts or something."

Shirley cocked her head to one side. "What?"

With a sigh, Carmine said, "The doctor thought that maybe it was stress or something. Except that's stupid."

"Well, why is that stupid, Carmine? I mean, you have been under a lot of stress lately, what with school and work and the wedding." Shirley bowed her head. "I guess I haven't helped, either, what with the endless planning and all."

"Aw, Angel Face, you've been great!" he told her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "You don't give me stress. This is all just silly, anyway. I've always had a lot goin' on in my life, you know that. Why would it suddenly make me go blind now?"Carmine shook his head. "The only one crazy here is the doctor."

"Are you sure? I mean, not about being nuts, I know you aren't. I mean, are you sure that the doctor's wrong?"

"He's gotta be, Shirl," Carmine assured her, glancing at his watch. "I'm going to the gym now. I'm late."

"Okay, sweetie," she said, giving him a farewell hug. "See you later?"

"Count on it!" he said, whisking out the door.

She stared at the door for a while after he left. Then she plopped back down on the sofa, folded her hands, and sat there for a long time.

"So, you're gonna live. Ouch! Congratulations, " managed Lenny between bench presses.

"Yeah. Go figure," said Carmine, standing behind to spot him.

"You. Should. Be. Happier. About. It." 

"I am, Len. Only…"

"What?"

"Only, the other stuff the doctor said. I know he's wrong, but it's still bugging me that he said it."

"Car. Mine. Can. We. Stop. Now?" gasped Lenny. He wanted to talk, but didn't have enough air for weight lifting and conversation.

"Huh? Oh, sure. Take ten, Len."

Lenny sat up, carefully. He reached for a towel to mop the perspiration off his face. "You know, Carmine, there may be a little somethin' to what the doctor told you."

"So you think I'm a lunatic?" asked Carmine.

"No, I don't think you're a lunatic." Lenny shook his arms, trying to stretch his aching muscles. "It's just that my father had a problem, you know, after he came back from the war."

"Really? I hardly remember your dad, Len. What sort of problem?"

"Yeah, well, you know how my mom left us and all? She didn't just do that for the heck of it." Lenny looked at the floor. He didn't like thinking about these things.

"I'm sure she didn't Len. What, did your dad hit her or something?" asked Carmine.

"No! No, it wasn't nothin' like that. He just had trouble…I don't know, talkin' to us. Keepin' a job. Just dealing with everyday life." Lenny shrugged. "It had somethin' to do with what he went through in the war, but he never talked about it to no one."

"So? I mean, that's a shame and all, Len, but what does it have to do with me?"

"Well, you didn't have any problem with your eyes before the earthquake, did you?" 

"No," said Carmine slowly. "Then again, I never fell twenty-odd feet onto my head before, either."

"Yeah, true. But the doctor said everything's okay up there, physically, right?" said Lenny, tapping Carmine on the side of the head.

Carmine slapped his hand away. "Right."

"So, maybe its just the whole, you know, almost dyin' and being buried alive that's the problem."

"Maybe being buried alive with you," said Carmine, jokingly. He turned thoughtful. "I don't know, Len. I think about that day a lot, whether I want to or not, but it isn't like I think about it and…bam…I stop seeing." 

"Well, what else is there?" asked Lenny.

"Beats me." Carmine walked to the front of the bench and offered Lenny a hand up. "Your ten minutes are up. Time for sit ups."

"Oh, please, may I?" said Lenny, sarcastically. He went to grasp Carmine's arm, but found his hand was shaking. Both men paused and looked at it.

"How's it going, Len?" asked Carmine.

Lenny shrugged. "Some days are a little tough," he admitted. "I didn't realize how used to those pills I was. But I haven't gotten anymore. Honest Injun."

"I believe you."

Lenny stood up slowly and followed Carmine around the gym equipment. "Anyway, Laverne's been doin' a good job at distracting me."

"I'll be she has, Len."

Lenny laughed. "Yeah, that too. But, I mean with wedding plans. Shirl's got her on this whole kick about red roses versus pink roses and…"

He broke off as Carmine walked straight into a punching bag. 

"Ow!" said Carmine, backing away, his hand over his nose.

"You okay?" asked Len.

Carmine nodded, his eyes watering. "Yeah, I think so. Who put that there?"

"Um, it's always been there, Carmine," said Lenny.

"Oh."

"You didn't see it just then, did you?"

Carmine felt his nose again. Seemingly reassured that it was where it belonged, he replied, "No. It kind of faded out there for a second." He glared at the punching bag, then gave it a sock with his right hand. "It's back now."

"Carmine?"

"Yeah, Len?"

"Maybe the doctor isn't so wrong about the stress problem. Maybe he was just wrong about the source."

Carmine didn't answer him for a moment. He rested a hand against the punching bag, tappng his fingertips on it. 

"You think?" Carmine said, after a few moments of drumming.

"I think," said Lenny.

"Maybe I should do somethin' about it then."

"Maybe."

Carmine closed his eyes. "I hate shrinks. I don't believe in 'em."

"Do you want to marry Shirley?" asked Lenny, quietly.

Carmine opened his eyes and met Lenny's gaze. "Of course I do. You know I do."

"Well, then."

Carmine looked up at the ceiling of the gym. "Fine," he said. Then he looked back at Lenny. "Fine. Okay. I'll go see a shrink. It's a waste of time and money that I don't have, but…fine."

"Carmine?" said Lenny, digging into the pocket of his sweatpants.

"Yeah?"

"Use mine," he said, handing the young man a card.

Carmine looked at it. Then he looked at Lenny. This is so embarrassing, Lenny thought. "I told you, some days are a little tough."

Carmine nodded. "Okay, Len. Thanks."

"Laverne, I have the answer," said Shirley. Then, "Whoops! Sorry, I'll come back later."

Lenny and Laverne raised their heads, pulling slightly apart. "No, Shirl, that's okay," said Laverne.

"Yeah," agreed Lenny. "We was just…um…just…um…"

"You know," said Laverne, blushing.

"Yes. I know," said Shirley. She cautiously entered her apartment. "You _can_ lock this door, you know."  


"If you would remember your keys, I would," said Laverne. She made room for Shirley on the sofa. "What do you have the answer to?"  


"What? Oh, that. I can tell you later," said Shirley.

"It's okay. Whatever it is, you can say it in front of Len. We don't have any secrets from each other." Laverne looked back at him, lovingly.

Lenny looked at her, mesmerized by her big, beautiful eyes. I can't believe she's here with me, he said to himself for about the hundredth time that day, alone. It still didn't seem possible, even with her warm, soft body next to his. 

Shirley looked at them with a little smile, then said, "Okay, then. I think I've found a way to get rid of all that stress Carmine has."

"What's that, Shirley?" asked Lenny.

She held up a box of wedding invitations. "These!" she exclaimed.

Lenny looked at the box, then at her. "I don't think so," he said, finally.

"No, you don't understand," said Shirley. She dug out one of the invitations. "You see this? This is for his parents."

Lenny looked at it. He looked at Laverne, who shrugged. "I still don't get it," he said.

"Me, neither," said Laverne.

Shirley sighed. "I think that Carmine's worried that his parents won't come. You know, they've been estranged for a long time now. I tracked them down and it looks like they are still living in that same rowhouse in Milwaukee where he grew up. I'm going to send their invitation early, with an early RSVP, so that he'll know they are coming!"

Laverne shook her head. "I don't see how that's going to help, Shirl."

"Don't you understand? Once he knows that his folks do care, and that they'll be here for him, he'll feel better about the whole wedding thing. He'll be able to look forward to it without, you know, going blind every so often."

Lenny was still puzzled. "How do you know they'll come, Shirl?" he asked. "I mean, I kind of remember Carmine's old man. He wasn't exactly the outgoing sort."

"Yeah," said Laverne. "There was a reason my Pop had Carmine over for dinner every weekend when we were in high school. I don't think he and his dad liked each other too much."

"What are you saying, Laverne? Of course Carmine's father likes him! He's his only son. How do you not like your own son? Besides, that was all a long time ago. Maybe if Carmine made his peace with his folks, he'd feel better about getting married and having kids of his own."

"Still," said Laverne, carefully. "How do you know the Ragusas will show? We're a long way from Milwaukee.

"Ah, good point, Vernie," said Shirley. "I've got it all planned. I've been saving money in my wedding account for years…I mean, for a while now, and I'm going to use some of it to fly them out here. So it won't cost them a thing. A free trip to California, to see their only son get married to the woman of his dreams? How could they say no?"

Lenny and Laverne looked at each other, again. "I guess," said Lenny.

Shirley was already on her feet, licking the envelope. "I'll be at the mailbox. You'll see, this will make it all better!" With that, she disappeared out the door.

"You think she's right?" asked Laverne, leaning her head against Lenny's chest.

He stroked her hair. "I don't know. What do you think?"

"I don't know. I guess it can't hurt anything."

"No. No, probably not."

"I mean, it is his parents. How many parents does a person have?"

"Not enough," said Lenny, thoughtfully. Then, he said, "You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. I mean, I'd give anything if Mamma could see us tie the knot," said Laverne.

"Me, too. My mamma, I mean." Lenny couldn't shake the feeling that this was a big mistake about to happen. He stood up, gingerly.

"Where are you going?" asked Laverne, sounding disappointed.

Lenny smiled at her, reaching down to caress her face. "Not far," he said. "I've got to talk to your Pop for a little while. Do you know where he is?"

"At home, I guess. Since he got all that insurance money for Cowboy Bill's, he's just been staying around the house, working in the garden."

"Sounds nice," said Len. "I'll see you later?"

She smiled up at him. "You bet your sweet patootie you will."

Lenny walked up to Mr. DeFazio's door and gave it a hard rap. Edna answered. 

"Why, Leonard. How nice to see you." She almost sounded like she meant it.

"Hi, Mrs. Bab…I mean, Mrs. DeFazio. Gosh, you think I'd be used to that by now." Lenny peered through the doorway behind her. "Is Mr. DeFazio in?"

"He's out back, weeding around the tomatoes. You can go through the gate."

"Thanks." Lenny turned away and walked around to the back of the house. He was using his cane today. It stuck in the mud, leaving a trail of little holes in the ground behind him.

"Watch where you're steppin'!" yelled a gruff voice as he entered.

"Sorry," said Lenny, carefully walking around a row of flowers. 

"Oh, Lenny, it's you. Come on over," said Frank, lowering his voice. Ever since the earthquake, his demeanor toward Lenny had changed. Lenny couldn't decide if he was more comfortable with Mr. DeFazio-who-called-him-an-idiot-all-the-time, or Mr. DeFazio-who-felt-guilty-that-he-got-hurt-rescuing-him.

"I don't wanna get in your way if you're busy," said Lenny. "But I need a couple minutes of your time to talk."

"So talk," said Frank, brushing the dirt off his gardening gloves. "What do you need?"

"It's not about me, Mr. DeFazio. It's about Carmine."

"Carmine? What about him?"

"Well, you know how we all pretty much grew up together and went to school together, and stuff. I mean, your daughter and me and Shirl and Squig…we've known each other a long time now."

"Yes, right, right," said Frank.

"Yeah, but we don't necessarily know that much about each other's families. I mean, we knew them, like when we went over to play at each other's houses, but we didn't really _know_ know them."

"You're losing me, Len," said Frank.

Lenny sighed. He wasn't sure where he was going with this himself. "What I mean is, Carmine and I knew each other all the way through high school, but we weren't exactly what you'd call buddies. Mostly, he'd ignore me, or laugh when someone else beat me up for my milk money. But now, we're kinda friends, especially since…you know."

"Yeah, I know, Lenny. So you want to help your friend with something. What is it?"

"The only thing I know about Carmine's parents is what he's told me, which isn't much. I know his mom had some…problems…and he didn't get along with his dad. I know he left home right after high school ended and he never went back. What I don't know is…why?"

Frank stood up. He folded his hands together in front of him, and stared at them as though looking into something very far away. "So why do you want to know this now?"

"Because Shirley's trying to do something to help Carmine and I'm afraid just the opposites gonna happen," Lenny said. "I'm kind of hoping you'll tell me that I'm being a nervous Nellie for no reason."

"What's Shirley doing?"

"Well, I guess she already did it. She sent an invite to the wedding to Carmine's parents."

"Oh, is that all?" asked Frank, with a short laugh. "No problem, don't worry about it."

"Really?" said Lenny, relieved. 

"Yeah, no problem. They'll never come."

Lenny looked at him. "Huh?"

"They'll never come. So don't worry about it. Here, have some tomatoes." Frank gestured to the half-filled bucket at his feet.

"No…I mean, yeah, thanks, maybe later. What do you mean, they'll never come. Isn't Carmine their only kid?"

"Yeah, thank God. The only thing those two ever did right," said Frank.

"So how is it good that they won't go to their own, only kid's wedding?"

"Because," said Frank. "Carmine won't have to see them again. Ever. And that's no loss, believe me."

Lenny shook his head, slowly. "You're losing me, Mr. DeFazio. I just don't see how knowing your parents don't care enough about you to come to your wedding will be good for Carmine."

Frank sighed, heavily. "It's nothin' that will come as a surprise to the boy. Even if they showed up, by some miracle, it would just ruin his day. Especially that father of his." Frank spit on the ground. "A bigger bastard I never met."

"Really?"

"Really, son," said Frank. "Tony Ragusa was a real piece of work. I knew him, way back when we worked in the factory together. Treated his boy like dirt, and his wife worse than that."

"I can't hardly believe this," said Lenny. "Carmine's such a nice guy."

"Yeah, well, he takes after his mother. At least, the way Marie used to be, before…" Frank stopped himself.

Lenny nodded. "I know, Mr. DeFazio. Carmine told me and Squig a little about it."

"That's a surprise," said Frank. "I didn't think he'd mention that to anyone, except maybe Shirley."

Maybe everyone but Shirley, thought Lenny. Everyone but the one person who needed to know. "I gotta go, Mr. DeFazio. Thanks, though, for your time…and the tomatoes. I'll pick 'em up when Laverne and I come over for dinner tomorrow."

"Sure, sure, they'll be here," said Frank, waving to him as he left.

Lenny walked back to his car, trying to stop his hands from shaking. The pain was shooting down his legs again. He sank into the front seat of his car, waiting for it all to pass so he could drive home. "I've got to warn Carmine about what Shirley did," he decided. "It's for his…their…own good."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," said Carmine. He held his head in his hands, then banged it on the table.

"Careful," said Lenny.

"Believe me, this doesn't hurt half as much as seeing my folks again would. She didn't…aw, she did, didn't she? And she sent them money to come, too? Awwwww!" Carmine buried his face in his arms. 

At least he stopped trying to break the table with his head, thought Lenny. "I figured I needed to warn you, just in case they showed," said Lenny.

Carmine sat back in his chair with a sigh. "They won't. I mean, they probably won't. Why would they? I should have told Shirley right out not to invite them. I never suspected that she would go to this much effort to get them to come! Why, Len? Why would she do this?"

"Because she thought she was helping you, Carmine! She figured that you were worried they _wouldn't_ come, and that's why you were, you know, having all that trouble with your eyes. You should have told her that the problem was you were afraid they _would_ come."

Carmine stared at the remains of his lunch, then pushed it away. He missed, and nearly pushed Lenny's sandwich onto his lap.

"Whoa, watch it there," warned Lenny, grabbing the plate.

"Oh, sorry, Len. Didn't…didn't see it." Carmine closed his eyes, tightly. "Dammit, not again," he muttered.

"Carmine, it's okay," said Lenny. "You said yourself they won't come."

"Yeah, but that was before she sent them money. A free trip to California? My old man wouldn't pass that up. He's never been anywhere but his own, cement square of a backyard." Carmine's eyes were blank, but his expression was a mixture of sorrow and, maybe, just a little fear.

"Boy, you really don't like your old man, do you Carmine?" Lenny whispered.

"No. I really don't, Len." Carmine didn't look up.

"What about your mom, though? Wouldn't it be nice to see her again?" Lenny couldn't imagine someone not wanting to see their mom. He'd give anything to see his again. Even Squiggy, who's mother mostly shoved him in a closet when he misbehaved, seemed to miss his mom.

Carmine swallowed. "Maybe, Len. I don't know. She really wasn't my mother when I left." He looked up at Lenny. "When I was a little kid, Len, I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the whole world," he said, softly. "She was small and a little round, with the kindest brown eyes and all these long, dark curls. She used to tug on them when she was worried about something. I remember…she did a lot of tugging. She used to spend all day, making pasta from scratch, taking in neighbors' sewing. She was a really good seamstress, did I ever tell you that?"

"No. You never really mentioned her much," said Lenny.

Carmine continued as if he hadn't heard him. "And her voice. What a beautiful singing voice she had. She really could have done something with that. But it was the sewing that brought in a little extra change. Enough to help keep food in the house.

"My father…my father would come home at night after stopping at the bar with the guys. He hated working in the factory. Absolutely hated it. He said he had to stop at the bar every night just to stomach the fact they he'd have to go back to that factory the next day." Carmine paused, shaking his head slowly at the memory.

"Go on," said Lenny, gently.

Carmine shrugged. "What is there to say, Len? He came home and he yelled at my mother to get dinner on the table. He yelled at her because the house wasn't clean enough. He yelled at her because I did something wrong. It never stopped. And when he wasn't yelling, he was…"

"He was?"

Carmine shook his head, sharply. "He was a son of a bitch, that's what he was, Len. He wrecked my poor mother. He did her so much damage that the doctor gave her some pills to help out. Some to give her more energy, so she could keep up with the house and the sewing and taking care of me. Some to relieve the pain after Dad…had a bad night. After awhile, she had a regular pharmacy in her room. Over time, she just stopped caring."

"About what?"

"About everything. About me. About anything that wasn't in a little plastic bottle." Carmine banged his hand down on the table. "I thought I was done with it, Len! And now…"

Lenny hesitated. "I wish I knew what to say, here, Carmine. I mean, I never saw any of this. At school, you were…well, you always acted like everything was fine. You hung out with the jocks, got along well with most everybody, didn't do too bad in class…"

"I had to, Len," said Carmine. "I had to do it all right. 'Cause whatever I did wrong my father took out on my mom. I had to do just what he said, the way he said, or he made her suffer for it. 

Carmine laughed, but there was no humor in his voice. "You shoulda heard him when I told him I liked to dance. He almost put me through a wall. 'No boy of mine is gonna be a sissy,' he told me. So I took up boxing. But I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. If I wanted to do what I loved, what I was really good at, I'd have to do what my mom couldn't. And that was get up and leave. Get as far away from Tony Ragusa as possible, and never go back."

"Yeah, but, you were still in the same town," Lenny reminded him.

Carmine nodded. "Well, I got as far as twenty-five dollars in my pocket could take me. He didn't try to contact me after I left the house and I stayed away from him…it was good enough."

"So, what are you going to do now, Carmine?" asked Lenny.

Carmine tugged at his hair. "I don't know. I just don't know." He looked back at Lenny. "Are you sure that Shirley sent out that invitation already?"

"I think so," said Lenny. 

"But you aren't certain."

"I'm pretty sure…"

"Well, maybe there's still a chance." Carmine stood up so fast he nearly knocked his chair over. "I've got to get over there." He started to run toward the door, but slammed into the wall of the restaurant instead.

Lenny sighed, got to his feet slowly, and walked over to Carmine. The young man was sitting on the floor, a stunned look on his face. "Need a ride?" he offered, reaching down to help Carmine to his feet.  


"Yeah, that'd be nice, Len," said Carmine, his hand pressed against his forehead. "Thanks."

"Think nothin' of it," said Lenny.

When they arrive at Laverne and Shirley's apartment, Carmine all but kicked the door in. "Shirley? Shirley are you there? Open up!"

Laverne pulled open the door. "Geeze, Carmine, lighten up on the door!" she said. "What'd it ever do to you?"

"Where's Shirley?" asked Carmine, frantically. 

"Laverne, did Shirley send out that invite to Carmine's parents yet?" Lenny asked.

"Wellll," said Laverne. "Not exactly."

Carmine heaved a sigh. "Oh, thank God," he said.

"After you left, Len, she decided to do something else," said Laverne, looking at Carmine curiously. 

"What'd she do?" asked Lenny, putting his arms around his girl.

"She decided to hand deliver it."

Carmine leaned back against the apartment door. Hard. "What did you say?" he breathed.

"She…Carmine, are you okay?"

"Laverne," said Lenny, a gentle urgency in his voice. "Where is Shirley?"

"At the airport, by now," said Laverne. "She decided to max out her credit card and hop a plane to Milwaukee. She's going to your parents' house, Carmine, to deliver their invitation in person." Laverne watched as a stricken look crossed Carmine's face. "Surprise?" she said, uncertainly.

Carmine banged the back of his head against the door. "Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no," he repeated over and over.

Lenny quickly walked over and slipped a hand between Carmine's head and the door. "Stop that," he said, "You're gonna addle yourself!"

Carmine slumped down in front of the door. He stared at a spot on the rug, shaking his head slowly from side to side. "What am I gonna do, Len?" he finally said. "This is a disaster. I can't let Shirley meet my father. I kept her from meeting him back in high school for a reason, and now…" He buried his face in his hands.

Laverne looked down at the distraught man. She took Lenny's hand and pulled him over to her side. "Does he need a straitjacket?" she asked, only half-kidding.

"No," said Lenny. "Maybe a stiff belt of whisky, though." Lenny thought for a moment, then said, "How long ago did Shirley leave for the airport?"

Laverne glanced at her watch. "Oh, Len, it must be at least an hour now."

"Aaaaarrrgggh," said Carmine from the floor.

"Yeah, but with traffic…we might still be able to catch up," Lenny said. He reached down, grabbing Carmine by the arm, and tugged. A stab of pain almost convinced him to stop that, but he gritted his teeth against it. "Come on, Carmine. Get up!"

"Why, Len?" Carmine muttered. "What's the point? Shirley's off to hang out with mom and dad. What a happy meeting that'll be."

"Cut it out and stand up! We might still be able to stop her!"

Carmine looked up at him. "Really? You think?"

"I think, unless you want to spend the rest of your life quivering on the floor. Now, come on!"

Carmine sprang to his feet, nearly bowling Lenny over. "You're right, Len!" he said. "We might still be able to keep this from happening. Let's go!" He started to charge toward the doorway, but Lenny reached out and grabbed the back of his jacket.

"What is it? I thought we were in a hurry?" asked Carmine, looking back at him.

Lenny pointed to the doorframe Carmine was just about to barrel into. 

"Oh. Thanks, Len."

"Yeah, maybe we should try walkin' until your vision is all cleared up," said Lenny, turning Carmine by the shoulders and giving him a little push through the open door. 

"Good idea."

Lenny looked back at Laverne. She shook her head. "I'm completely lost here, Len," she said. "What the heck is going on?"

"I'll tell you later, Vernie," he said, giving her a kiss. She felt so good in his arms, he didn't want to let her go. But he did. "Tell your Pop I'm sorry I missed dinner. I'll call you tonight!"

"From where?" asked Laverne, as he hurried through the door after Carmine.

"Milwaukee!" he called back.

--End Part II--


	3. Aftershocks 3

Aftershocks III

"Hey, Carmine. When are we there, huh?"

"Another forty-five minutes, Len. You know, like I told you five minutes ago when you asked?"

"If you told me five minutes ago, then that only leaves forty minutes," said Lenny.

Carmine looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Are you _trying_ to make me lose my mind completely, Len? 'Cause it's working."

"Sorry." Lenny twirled his thumbs, eyes darting around the interior of the plane. "God, I hate to fly," he said.

"Something else you and Laverne have in common," said Carmine. "Look, don't worry, the plane's not gonna crash." Carmine turned back toward the window beside him. "I wouldn't get that lucky," he muttered to himself.

They had totally missed Shirley, but been lucky enough to grab the next flight after hers. Still, she was going to land a full three hours before them. Three hours is plenty of time to get from the airport to my folks' place, thought Carmine, trying to keep the knot of panic in his stomach from overwhelming him. She might be there, right now, knocking on the door, Dad letting her in, acting all nice and normal, then…

"Can I have another drink over here?" he called to the stewardess.

"Hey, Carmine, you gonna be able to see straight by the time we land?" asked Lenny. "I mean, on account of the barrel of booze you're downing, not because of the eye thing."

Carmine accepted a glass from the stewardess and knocked it back in one gulp. "With any luck, Len, I'll be in a coma by the time we land. Then I won't have to deal with this nightmare situation anymore." He started to raise a hand to ask for another.

Lenny stopped him, waving the stewardess away. "Carmine…" he said, a note of warning in his voice.

Carmine sighed. "You're right. I'm gonna need all my brain cells to figure a way out of this." He closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat. "What the hell am I going to do, Len? I haven't seen my parents in so long. I don't want to be doing this!"

"I know, but maybe it's a, you know, blessing in disguise."

"Oh? How do you figure?"

"Well," said Lenny. "It's pretty obvious that you have a little stress over your impending nups."

"Maybe a little."

"Don't you think that there's a reason for that? I mean, assuming you really love Shirley…"

"…which I do."

"And you're really sure she's the right woman for you…"

"She is, Len. She is."

"Then somethin' else has got to be making you go blind with worry."

"Oh, and so it must be my mother's fault? That's what that shrink you sent me to was tryin' to get me to say." Carmine glared out the window again. 

"Your mother…your father…maybe the two together. Is it so farfetched an idea?"

"What, Len, you think my parents having such a miserable, destructive farce of a marriage might stress me out on the whole idea? You think because they started out plenty happy, or so mom used to tell me, and wound up slowly, painfully killing each other with drugs and yelling and hitting might make me think twice about my own wedding?"

"Well?"

"No way."

"No, no. Of course not, Carmine," said Lenny, trying not to sound aggravated. "You're right. I must be out of my mind. Wait, wait…I can't see! Oh, no, that's not me. That's _you_."

Carmine gave Lenny a nasty look. "Fine. Maybe there's a little truth to it."

"You think?" 

They didn't say anything for awhile.

"Carmine, what time…"

"Oh, here Len!" snapped Carmine, pulling off his watch and handing it to Lenny. "Next time, bring your own."

"Thanks, Carmine. Mine's still busted." Lenny put the watch on. 

Silence, again.

"You know, Carmine, you're not exactly the only guy to ever come out of a less-than-happy family," said Lenny.

Carmine looked out the window. "I know that."

"Yeah, you know, me and Squig didn't exactly get raised by no Ozzie and Harriets. And we turned out okay."

"Sure, sure. You two are models of normalcy."

Lenny completely missed his sarcasm. "That's right! So, if I'm not worried about getting hitched, you shouldn't be either."

"It's just that simple, right?" said Carmine, drumming his fingertips on the window. "Just forget about it, do your own thing, never mind that you have no clue the way a good husband and father should behave. Just...fake it?"

"I guess so," said Lenny, sounding a little less confident.

"Great. I'll try that. Look, now I'm cured! At least I'll save money on the shrink."

Lenny sighed. "Okay, I give up. Be miserable. I'm just gonna sit back here in my seat for the next…" He consulted Carmine's watch. "Thirty minutes and pray the engines don't fall off."

"Fine."

"You won't hear another word out of me."

"Wonderful."

"Great."

"Terrific."

More silence.

Then: "Lenny?"

"Yeah, Carmine?"

"Thanks for coming with me."

Lenny closed his eyes, trying to ignore the small bumps of turbulence that made his heart pound. "My pleasure," he said.

"Well, there it is," said Carmine, staring at the door to his old house.

"Yeah. Wow, this neighborhood's a lot seedier than I remember," said Len.

They were standing on the front porch of one of the rundown rowhouses. The paint was chipped and faded on the shutters and door. The steps up to the door were cracked. The neighborhood itself was mostly deserted, except for an occasional kid on a bike racing past. 

Lenny thought Carmine looked a little green around the gills. "I told ya you shouldn't have had all those shots on the plane," he said.

"It's not the alcohol, Len," said Carmine. He shuffled his feet like a twelve-year-old who was home past curfew. "I don't think I can do this."

"You gotta do it, Carmine. What if Shirley's in there? You don't want to leave her alone with your dad, do you?"

Carmine gave himself a brisk shake. "No. No, I sure don't want to do that. You're right." Balling his hands into fists, he walked straight up to the door and knocked. Just a regular knock, not his usual. He saved that one for knocking on the doors of people he actually wanted to see.

A moment or two passed before the door swung open. A man who appeared to be in his late sixties peered out at Carmine and Lenny. "What do you want?" he snapped.

At the sound of his voice, Carmine shrank back. Then he straightened himself up and said, "It's me, Dad."

"You?" The old man looked at him over thick, gold-rimmed glasses. "You who?"

Carmine sighed. "Your son, Dad. It's Carmine."

The old man moved closer to him. "Well, so it is," he said, without a trace of emotion. "What brings you here?"

"I'm looking for someone. She…can we do this inside?" 

"Oh. Right. Come on in, boy."

Carmine glanced back over his shoulder at Lenny, who was waiting down the steps. "Len, you wanna come?" he asked.

Lenny would have preferred to eat glass than go in with that cold, stooped old man. But he saw the desperation in Carmine's eyes. "Sure, I'm comin'." He slowly climbed the steps and went inside.

The house wasn't in much better shape inside than out. The green, shag rug had worn patches. The furniture, covered in plastic slipcovers, was frayed and faded. Clothes, dirty dishes, and old newspapers were scattered around the small living room. Carmine looked around the place, trying not to feel like a prisoner who's cell door had just been slammed shut.

"Sit down, boy," said Carmine's father, pointing to a chair. Carmine sat in it, obediently. Lenny looked around, found an old footstool, and eased himself down on it.

Carmine stared at his father. His hair was steel grey and his hairline a lot further back on his forehead. There were a lot more, hard lines in his face. But he basically looked the same as Carmine remembered. Maybe a little smaller?

"Oh, yeah," Carmine said, interrupting his own thoughts. "Dad, this is my friend, Lenny Kosnovski. Lenny, this is my…my father, Tony Ragusa."

"Hello, sir," said Lenny, with a half-hearted wave.

"Kosnovski, eh? I knew a Kosnovski once. War hero, lived on Delancey Street."

"Yes, sir. That was my father."

"Wife ran out on him, as I remember," said Tony.

Lenny squirmed on the stool. "That was my mom, sir."

"A real loosey-goosey, that one. Don't feel bad, boy, you were better off without her."

Lenny was stunned. He wondered if Carmine would mind if he punched his father's lights out.

"Dad," said Carmine, quickly. "I'm looking for a girl. Her name is Shirley Feeney, and…"

"Boy, I don't know who your girlfriends are anymore. Why are you bothering me with this?"

Carmine took a deep breath. "Because she was coming her to see you. You and mom. She's my…fiancee."

"No kidding?" said Tony. "You getting married?"

"Yes. Yes I am, Dad."

"How nice. Good luck to you. Hope she turns out better than that cow I married," said Tony. He reached for a beer can and took a swig.

Carmine flinched, then looked at the floor. "That's my mother you're talking about, Dad. Remember?"

"'Course I remember, boy! I ain't senile. I ain't wrong, either. A useless, lazy cow, she was." Tony put down his can. "You boys want a drink? I got some more in the fridge."

"I'll get it," said Lenny. He got up as quickly as he could and walked into the tiny kitchen. Anything to get away from that miserable old coot for a minute.

Carmine looked at his father. "What do you mean was, Dad?" He looked around the room, his heart sinking. "Where's my mother?"

Tony shrugged. "She's dead, boy. Been dead almost six years now."

Carmine pressed a hand over his mouth. Lenny walked back in with the beers, just in time to hear what Tony had said. He handed a can to Carmine, and said, "Geeze, Carmine. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," said Tony, waving to Lenny to hand him another one. "It's not like he gave a damn about her."

Carmine said nothing. His eyes were wide, stunned. The words wouldn't come.

"Aw, that's not true, Mr. Ragusa," said Lenny. He put his hand on Carmine's shoulder. "He loved his mom. He just didn't know."

"'Course he didn't know. He didn't care. He was off gallivanting around, doing God knows what with God knows who." Tony opened his beer and took a swig. "Anyway, Marie's gone. All gone."

"How?" Carmine finally managed to say.

"Come again?"

"How, Dad? How! How did my mother die?" he snapped.

"Oh. Heart attack. Or stroke. Something like that. I went to bed one night and boom. She was already gone. Always too fat for her own good. Not to mention all doped up. Only surprise is that it took so long."

Lenny looked at Carmine. He could see the strain on his friend's face. "Carmine, we don't have to be here anymore," he said, quietly. "Obviously, Shirl didn't make it here yet. Why don't we go find her?"

"Yeah, boy. No reason to hang around here. Glad to hear you're marrying a girl. All that wanting to sing and dance when you were a kid made me worry that you were funny."

Carmine jumped to his feet, crossed the room, and grabbed his father by the front of the shirt before Lenny could do a thing to stop him. He pulled Tony off the sofa and slammed the old man against the wall. "You heartless bastard," he said through gritted teeth. "What did you do to her?"

"Her who? I told you, your girl ain't been here!" Tony coughed, pushing at his son. But Carmine couldn't be budged.

"Not her!" said Carmine, shoving his father against the wall again. "My mother! What did you do to my mother?"

"No…nothing, boy," said Tony. Lenny could hear some fear creeping into the old man's voice. "I didn't do nothin' to her!"

"Oh, sure. Right. Like you did nothin' to her when you came home drunk every night? Like when you did nothin' to her because your coffee was cold, or you couldn't find your slippers, or whatever other stupid thing you blamed her for?" Carmine's voice was rising, his face flushed. 

"Carmine, let him go!" said Lenny, alarmed.

Carmine didn't let go. He said to Lenny over his shoulder, "You don't understand, Len. He did something to her. I know it. Either he killed her himself or he let her die. Either way…" Carmine turned back to his father, his eyes narrowing.

Tony tried again to push his son away, but to no avail. "Let go of me, you worthless, good–for-nothin'…if you cared so much about Marie, where were you when she was still alive?" he shouted.

"It would have killed you to call me and tell me she was gone?" Carmine hissed at him. "Maybe let me know when the funeral was, so I could pay my respects?"

"I didn't know where you were!" his father protested.

"Yeah, Carmine, maybe he just didn't know how to reach you," said Lenny, desperately trying to diffuse the situation.

Eyes still locked on his father's, Carmine said, "The phone book, Len. How many Carmine Ragusas were there in Milwaukee? I wasn't that hard to find!"

"It wasn't my job to find you!" shouted Tony. "It was up to you to come home. If you gave a damn, you selfish…"

Carmine thrust his father back against the wall with one hand and drew back his fist with the other. "Remember those boxing lessons you made me take?" he said in a low, dangerous voice. "How does it feel to be on the other side of the fist, Dad? You scared? Scared like she was?"

Lenny couldn't watch any longer. He crossed the room with a speed that surprised him and grabbed Carmine's arm. "No, Carmine. I can't let you do this."

"Let me go, Lenny!" warned Carmine. "Believe me, he deserves it."

"That may be true. In fact I'm sure it is." Lenny clung to Carmine's arm. "But you still can't do it."

"Why not? You give me one good reason why not?" Carmine's eyes never left Tony's. His father had raised one arm across his face, shrinking back against the wall.

"Because he's an old man. And you'll break him in two. And I somehow don't think you'll be able to live with that, no matter how angry you are or how much he deserves it."

Carmine continued to try to pull away from Lenny. Lenny wrapped his free arm around his friend's neck and tugged backward. For a guy his size, Carmine's awfully scrappy, he thought.

"Look!" Lenny cried. "If you're so mad that you have to hit someone, hit me! Go on, I can take it." I hope, he added to himself.

Carmine let go of his father's shirt. Tony scuttled sideways along the wall, out of his son's reach. 

"I don't want to hit you, Len. I want to hit him." But some of the venom had gone out of his voice. Carmine dropped his hands to his sides. "Let me go," he said, wearily. "I'll be good."

Lenny released his grip on Carmine, slowly. When he was sure that the guy wasn't going to go ballistic again, he stepped away from him. "Okay. Can we get out of here, now?"

Carmine nodded. "Yeah, why not? I'm done here."

"Sure, boy. Run away again. It's your greatest talent," sneered Tony, still remaining at a safe distance across the room.

"You know, you're a really pathetic excuse for a human being," said Lenny. "I don't know how a guy like you wound up with a kid like Carmine, but you sure as hell don't deserve him. Come on, Carmine." Lenny turned and headed toward the door. He couldn't wait to get out of that smelly, dark place. It made him feel like he was in a coffin.

Carmine turned and followed him, silently. He paused in the doorway, then turned back to look at his father. Tony had already dropped back onto his plastic-covered sofa and picked up his beer. "Have a great life, Dad," he said. "I know I will."

Carmine closed the door behind him. He walked down the stairs to where Lenny was waiting. 

"Carmine I…I don't know what to say here," said Lenny, holding up his hands.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Len. I should have had you wait outside."

"No, no, that's okay. I think it's a good thing I was in there."

"Yeah, on second thought, I guess it was." Carmine kicked a piece of broken step out of his way. "I wonder where Shirl is? She had a pretty big head start on us. Where did she go?"

"I don't know," said Lenny. He followed Carmine, trying to keep up. "Look, Carmine, about your mom…"

"Forget it, Len. That's the one thing my father's right about. If I really cared, I would have been there when it happened. Or before, when it might have made a difference. That part isn't his fault. It's mine."

Lenny grabbed Carmine's arm. "Whoa. Stop right there."

"Sorry, am I going too fast for you? I'll slow down."

"No, not that. I mean, what you just said. That ain't true."

"Len, it is true. I left my mother here. To die. With _him_." Carmine turned away from Lenny and looked up and down the street. "Now, where did Shirley get to?"

"No, it is not. You didn't do a thing that anyone who wanted to stay sane wouldn't have done. You got out of that…that…crypt. Heck, I don't know how you stayed as long as you did! I don't think I'd have made it past third grade." Lenny looked back at the door with its peeled, faded paint and shuddered. "And I thought Squiggy had it rough."

"He did, Len. So did you. Like you said, lots of kids had it rough when we were growing up. I'm nothing special." Carmine studied the back of his fist. "I only made it as long as I did because I had her," he said softly. "Until those last few years, I had my mother."

"She must have been a nice lady," said Lenny.

Carmine faced him and smiled, sadly, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Oh, she was, Len. You'd have liked her. At least, the way she really was. You know, she used to take me to the movies on Saturday sometimes. She liked the musicals, with Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire. She used to sing along, real quietly. But I could hear her." He turned his back toward Lenny, bowing his head slightly.

"I'm really sorry," Lenny said, helplessly.

Carmine raised one hand in a small wave. They stood that way for awhile, not saying another word.

"What are you guys doing here," asked Shirley, stopping in her tracks.

Carmine and Lenny looked up at her, startled. 

"Angel Face! Where have you been?" Carmine asked. 

"Lost, mostly. I rented a car, and I drove around and around, and then around some more, but I couldn't find your street…your old street…what are you doing here?" she repeated. "How did you even know I was here? This was supposed to be a surprise."

"Oh. Well. Huh," said Carmine, with a short, strangled laugh. "You succeeded, sweetheart. I was puh-lenty surprised when Laverne told me."

"Yeah," confirmed Lenny. "You'd have surprised him any more, he'd have a German Shepherd and a white cane now."

Shirley looked back and forth at each of them. "Did I do something wrong here?" she asked. "I just thought that I could convince your folks to come to the wedding if I met them in person. I mean, I am very perky face to face…who could resist?" She grinned and showed her dimples.

Carmine sighed, stood up, and embraced her. "No, Shirl, you didn't do anything wrong. I did. I should have told you about my family's…um…situation, a long time ago. You were just tryin' to do something nice for me."

"So, you want to go over to their house now? I still have about two hours until my flight…"

"No!" shouted Lenny. Carmine and Shirley looked at him. Shirley looked puzzled. Carmine gave him a brief grin.

"I mean," said Lenny more quietly. "I think Carmine's probably had enough of a reunion for one day."

"You mean, you already saw your folks?" asked Shirley, disappointed. "Without me?"

"Yeah I saw my…my dad. Look, I think we're all on the same flight, Shirl. Why don't I tell you about it on the way home."

"Okay," she said, sounding unconvinced. "I'm going to get a soda pop. You boys want anything?"

"No thanks," said Carmine.

"I'll take a beer," said Lenny. "Or ten."

"Leonard?"

"Just kidding, Shirl. Make it a Pepsi."

"You want any milk with that?" she asked him, with a wink.

"No thanks. I still take mine straight up."

Left alone again, the two men stared at their shoes. Finally, Lenny said, "Hey, there is one good thing about this, Carmine."

"Oh, there is? Go on, point out one good thing. I dare ya."

"You ain't blind."

Carmine looked over at him. "I'm not," he said.

"No, you're not. You can see just fine. Am I right?" 

"You are right. I can see." Carmine held his hand in front of his face, wiggling his fingers. "Yep, there they are. What do you know."

"I also know that if _that_ wasn't just the most stressful thing you've done in a long time, I don't know what stress means. So, maybe your little vision problem is solved."

"Maybe, Len. Still, I think I'll stay away from forklifts awhile longer, just to be sure." 

"You sure you don't want to go to the cemetery? There's still some time before our flight."

"Oh, Len, no. I don't think so. I don't need to stand and look at a headstone to say goodbye to my mother. I said goodbye fifteen years ago." Carmine frowned at his shoes. "Besides, I'm not even sure where she is. I didn't exactly get a chance to ask my father before I, you know, threatened his life."

"Right, yeah, that's true." Lenny was thoughtful for a moment. "I wonder if my mom is still around," he said, mostly to himself. 

"I hope so," said Carmine. "I really do. Maybe you'll bump into her again, sometime, like at a grocery store."

"That'd be nice. Not real likely, but nice."

"Hey, Len?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been wanting to ask you something. Especially after today...I know the timing is strange, but…"

"What is it?"

"Would you be my best man?" Carmine asked.

Lenny looked at him, startled. "Really?" he finally said.

Carmine smiled and nodded. "Yeah, Len. Who else would I ask?"

"Oh. Right."

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that!" Carmine corrected himself. "What I mean is, well, Mr.DeFazio's gonna give the bride away and Squiggy…he's okay, I guess, but we aren't really that close."

"And we are?" asked Lenny.

Carmine shrugged. "After all we've been through the past six months? Yeah, I'd say we're getting there, Len. So, what do you say?"

Lenny smiled. "Sure, Carmine. Absolutely. I'd be honored."

Carmine nodded slowly, satisfied. He saw Shirley walking back with the sodas. "I hope I can do right by her," he said.

"You will," said Lenny. "You're nothing like him, Carmine. You're a good guy."

"Thanks, Lenny. That means a lot to hear you say that." He looked at Lenny. "You're right. I'm nothing like him. I never will be," he said, emphatically. Then he looked back at his shoes. "Never," he repeated to himself, with a firm shake of his head, as though just repeating the word could make it so.

--End--


End file.
